Yep, so after delaying it for as long as possible, it's time for my annual exam. I cannot begin to tell you how much I DETEST having a pap smear. Ironic, right? Considering it's how I make a living? Somehow being on the other end of the speculum is a whole lot worse than performing the exam. Interesting how my first thoughts are," CRAP! I don't have time for a wax, I'm gonna have to shave my legs and paint my toenails." Quite honestly, the only thing we usually ask for is that the patient bathes. We could care less about hair, nails (well, unless they smell like corn chips) or what kind of socks you wear. But, here I am being all neurotic like a little teenager going to the "Clinic" for the first time.
I guess another issue is the fact that now my obstetrical history has changed. Last time I had a pap, my paperwork said G1P1, meaning I have been pregnant one time and have had one delivery. This year, I have to change the paperwork to reflect my second pregnancy which ended before it even had a chance. So, now and forevermore, I will at least be a G2P1A1...meaning I have been pregnant two times, delivered one baby, and have had one ectopic pregnancy (well call it "A" for abortion, which kinda encompasses all early pregnancy losses). Yet another deep reminder of the miserable year that Brad and I have had. I guess it doesn't help that I am on the last day of the Provera, which tends to make me a bit emotional.
On to Miss Libby...
Over the weekend Miss Libby, being the typical toddler that she is, had a few tantrums. Now, if you know me at all, you understand what a trying and difficult time that this has been for me. Libby's recent tantrums have caused me great distress and discouragement. My previously precious, most perfect little baby, has morphed into this little ball of toddler craziness. I know it will pass, I know she is two. However, it's still hard to handle as a mom. Especially when you have constant criticism all around. Even the people with the best intentions have a thought on her tantrums. It's true, but it's tough to hear criticism about your child. Especially from people who you think understnad what you are going through. Having said that, Libby has recently been called a variety of "labels". The toughest to swallow was the gift of "The most stubborn toddler" and "Little Bossy". I take it a bit personally. I know that I am also an independent, strong willed individual. But, to hear someone call my little princess "bossy" and "stubborn" in front of her, is a label that I am not ready to attach to her two year old self. I would rather like to look at this phase as her "strong willed, independent, power struggle phase". I know it will pass. It has too. And in the end, my little one will be a strong willed, independent, powerful woman who knows what she wants in life and will stop at nothing to achieve it! I know we have good days and bad days, but for goodness sakes, please be patient with me. I am a first time mom, and she didn't come with instructions!! Brad and I are doing the best we know how too. We are trying to follow James Dobson's plan for the "Strong Willed Child". Yes, we discipline her, yes, she is stubborn, but she is also only two! So, basically, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything. Oh, and if you see a stressed out blonde in scrubs trying to wrestle a cute little brunette princess into her buggy at Publix, please don't just stare and talk about it, offer to help me!!!