Thursday, February 24, 2011

Round Three!!

Okay, I have finally taken the plunge. I made the very important call this morning to the RE informing them that in the next several days, we will be starting IUI round #3. They are calling in my prescription as we speak. Which means $1,500 and 48 hours later, a nice little refrigerated box will arrive at my door with two very small containers of medications. I have leftover meds in my fridge from round #2....from August. The nurse reminded me that my first prescription was filled last June.'s been a long time. A really long time when I consider that I threw away my birth control pills on Libby's first birthday. (It seems crazy now, I actually thought I needed birth control pills!)

Libby's best friend at church is going to be a big sister. Libby told her yesterday that she was gonna have a baby too. How do I explain that one? Every night when we go to bed she prays that God will giver her a baby sister. That's kind of a hard pill to swallow. I know how great the relationship is between me and my sisters, and I really long for Libby to have that same fun friendship with a sibling of her own. Even on vacation last week, I realized that she really needs a playmate. She is so grown up now, I am really feeling that baby fever! So, I am beginning this next cycle with a renewed spirit. It's been exactly 6 months since my last cycle. I am optimistic, positive and hopeful. I feel very strongly that God will bless my little family with another child, I just pray that it's sooner rather than later! This "waiting game" is tough. Especially watching friends around me get pregnant again. I can't lie, I'm incredibly envious. I can't imagine how exciting it would be to simply wake up one day, decide to have another child and actually get pregnant on my own! How thrilling it must be!   My heart also aches for dear friends who are also in the waiting period of their own. Infertility is a very painful journey. It affects your entire being. It also puts an incredible strain on your marriage, your finances, your stress, your entire life! I am praying for my sweet friends and hopeful that soon we will be swapping pregnancy stories and labor and delivery nightmares with each other!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

DISNEY! and a letter to My Princess on her third birthday...

I wish I could just bottle up my Disney world experience, and  then open it up from time to time to enjoy the feelings that I experienced there. It was absolutely amazing to see Disney through the eyes of my (now three year old) princess. She was so overwhelmed and spent the week wide-eyed and squealing. Every place she turned there was another princess, fancy ride or show for her to experience. It will remain one of the greatest moments in my parenting life. For those few days, I got to push back work, laundry, dishes and stress and simply focus on enjoying Libby. I enjoyed every second that I got to spend with her. I soaked up the time eagerly and cannot wait to begin our "scrapbook" together.  Yes, she was a bit sleepy, and yes, she did get a little cranky at times. Of course, I got a little bit sleepy and cranky myself! It was the most amazing week and I am so eager to start planning our next vacation. These past three years have absolutely flown by. Far too quickly, she has grown from my sweet, dainty little baby into a beautiful little lady. I am so blessed to be her mother. I am so lucky to have the opportunity to watch her grow and change. Thank you, God for allowing me to be her mommy. Wow, what did I do to deserve such an honor?

My precious little princess,

You will never understand how much you are loved, until one day, when you look into the eyes of your little baby. Only then, will you absolutely be able to fall in love with your whole being, with another person. Being a mother is so much different from any other relationship that you will ever have. I love your father more than I love anybody on this earth. However, I will never love someone in the same way that I love you.

From the moment that I saw that positive pink pregnancy test, my life was changed forever. Your dad and I had waited and prayed for you for a very long time. We could hardly believe that we were finally going to be parents! The very first time I met you, I fell in love. I remember your beautiful long, dark eyelashes, and pink, pouty little lips. You didn't make a sound when the doctor picked you up, I was so nervous, but you were wiggling and very serious, taking in all of your surroundings. You were too busy too cry! Not much has changed in three years, you are a very busy, very intelligent little girl. You are the absolute most beautiful creature that God has ever created. I don't know if Daddy and I could have a more beautiful little girl if we tried a thousand more times!

You are so much like me and also so much like your Daddy. I like to think you are the best of the both of us! You are so incredibly smart, you talk like a little grown lady, and you have such amazing reasoning skills. I am pretty sure that you are going to be a surgeon! You are also very stubborn and strong willed, this can be difficult at times, but I know you are going to become a very independent, strong willed woman one day, and that makes me very proud! Like your Daddy, you can be very silly and fun. You like to sing funny songs and dance around the house. You and Daddy even make up silly words like, "stukid" and "wannakie". I am pretty sure only the two of you understand the real meaning of those words. Like your Daddy, you are fun loving and have a wonderful, infectious laugh. You are destined to make everyone you meet fall desperately in love. I am really nervous about the potential of you dating one day!

Whatever path that you may choose, please know that your Daddy and I love you more than anything. I am so proud of you and will always be here for you. I never grow tired of our "cuddle time" and taking naps on the couch curled up with you and your best bud-Lily the dachshund. You are the greatest gift God could ever bless two people with. Thank you for being my little girl!


February 23, 2011

Friday, February 4, 2011

My favorite "Brad-isms"

My sweet husband brought Libby to meet me yesterday for lunch. When we were finished, he kissed me and I got into the car to head back to work. As I was pulling out of the parking space, I noticed him walking around my car checking my tires as I backed up. He looked up, smiled and waved me off. It usually drives me crazy when he obsessively checks my tires, my car, my oil, etc... However, it occurred to me that he was simply checking the safety and efficiency of my car to insure my safe arrival at work. It was kinda sweet. This leads me to think of other "little things" that he does that often goes unnoticed or unappreciated. So, in honor of my sweet little husband, here is the list of his "little things" that I am now appreciating!

1. Obsessively checking my car for possible safety issues
2. Playing with my hair every night while I fall asleep on his chest (Yes, EVERY night for 6 years)
3. Waking up early on Saturday mornings to entertain the Princess while I sleep a little longer
4. If I get to sleep in on a weekday, he wakes Libby up, takes her potty, brings her a juice cup and puts her   in bed with me, so I don't have to get up
5. He always lets me pick the restaurant or movie when we do have a date night
6. When Libby was a baby, he would bolt out of bed in the middle of the night to allow me to rest
7. He sends me little text messages throughout the day to "check on me"
8. He actually cleans the bathroom better than I do!
9. He irons all of his clothes and always asks me if I need  anything ironed for myself or Lib
10. He always asks me every morning what he should wear to work

I guess I could go on and on about the cool little "Brad-isms" that I encounter on a daily basis. I am thankful for him and all of his quirks.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

My Pride and Prejudice

     I have been reading a great deal lately. The series that I am must enamored with has been "The Darcy Saga series" by Sharon Lathan. This series depicts the story of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy following their whirlwind romance in "Pride and Prejudice". What the series lacks in complete substance, it more than makes up for in flowery verbage and lovely scenes of 19th century English countryside society. It is essentially a beautiful portrait of an English Manor and the amorous relationship of the Master and his wife. I have quickly devoured the first book and am hungrily thumbing through the next one. I would be willing to bet that everyone who has read this series swooned at the affection shown from Mr. Darcy to his new bride. In the series, the couple is ridiculously wealthy and this affords them a great deal of time to devote to leisurely pleasures such as planning romantic scavenger hunts, seaside getaways, and hours of walking and sitting about.

 Now, I have to wonder to myself, "If I had loads of money and spare time and servants to handle all of my tasks, what would I do to pass the time. More importantly, what would I do during that spare time if I had my husband and someone to properly care for my child and household chores. "

I would like to think that during those hours, I could devote myself to Brad. I would love to be free of the stress of finances, laundry, taxes, work, tantrums, and chores, and be able to concentrate on my marriage. Imagine being able to wake up late, have breakfast served to me, and the rest of the day at my disposal to enjoy all the pleasures life has to offer. When all the "stuff of life" is stripped away, and it's just you and your significant other, is that enough? I don't know, but I would definitely like to have the opportunity to experiment!

Perhaps that is why I am a bit envious of mothers and wives who are able to stay at home. I would very much like the time to accomplish my home tasks during the day, and be able to enjoy my weekends and holidays without the fear of deadlines, job stress, etc. Now, I am well aware that mothers who stay home are very busy! Don't get me wrong....they have very stressful jobs!!! I am simply envious of the opportunity to devote your entire "self" to your husband and children. My weeknights, weekends and holidays are busy trying to accomplish all of the work that has been sitting and waiting on me all week long! I have to accomplish all of my "chores" in a very small amount of time. This leaves me very little "free time" to devote to my husband, Libby and even myself.

Enough rambling, suffice to say, read the books! I highly reccommend them!!