Thursday, January 27, 2011

Playing the Waiting Game....

Well, I must admit that I am a very impatient person. It seems like I have spent the majority of my life "waiting" for something important. Waiting for Santa Clause to come....waiting for my birthday...waiting to learn to drive...waiting for my first kiss...waiting to graduate from highschool....then college...waiting to get married....waiting to graduate again...waiting for my first pregnancy...the two week wait...etc. And now, once again, I find myself in "a season of waiting".

When we first went through the last round of fertility treatments this fall, the IUI resulted in an ectopic pregnancy. The fertility speacialist told us to wait at least three months before we could restart treatments again. I needed that time to physically recover, but also to heal from the emotional wound of the pregnancy. It's now been four months and I am ready to proceed with the next round of treatments. I am antsy to get started again and antsy to get pregnant. Libby's third birthday is quickly approaching, and that will officially mark the two year anniversary of "trying for baby number 2". It took us over two and a half years to get pregnant with Libby, and I expected it to be much quicker this time around. I don't know why, I guess I secretly hoped that after my successful pregnancy, my body would "finally get it right and act normally" such luck.  So, here we are well past the "recovery period" and ready to pull out the injections and the "turkey baster"...aka the IUI. Unfortunately, this time doesn't quite seem right again, but for very different reasons. My job situation is a bit nerve wracking at this point. I am actually in the "transition" from one office to another, and it makes for a stressful situation, both financially and emotionally! So, I suppose this means that I once again, must wait... Pregnancy is 40 weeks...that's long enough to have to wait to hold your little, any additional waiting time seems so cruel and unfair.

This is my prayer: for a smooth job transition, for financial stability, and for a quick and successful "round" of treatments followed by a healthy 9 months of pregnancy and safe delivery! That's not asking a whole lot, right?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

What Daddy has taught her...

Libby was in the backseat while Mom and I were driving to meet her other grandparents in Cordele. We stopped at McDonalds to meet them, and I unbuckled Libby so she could play in the backseat while we parked and waited. I was listening to music and relaxing when I felt her presence behind my shoulder. I turned to find her picking her nose." Libby Pullen! That's so gross, you need a tissue! Don't you wipe that on my seat." She replied, " Oh Mommy, don't worry. Daddy taught me how to roll it up....(as she made the hand gesture to explain) and then you just "Fwick It!" (as she flicked the imaginary booger)."

It also reminds me of a time about a year ago, when Libby had just turned two, and the new Chickfila was built in Bonaire. I had pulled through the drive through one afternoon to pick up my favorite Diet Lemonade. When I pulled to the speaker, Libby began rattling off behind me, " Um, yes, a Coke, no ice, biscuit and that's it..." I turned around and asked her what she had said. She calmly repeated it too me in her little two year old voice. It then dawned on me....Brad must have brought her through the drive through at some point. So, I called him and asked why Libby was ordering HIS favorite things from Chickfila. Sheepishly, he admitted to me that he had been sneaking to Chickfila in the mornings while driving her to the babysitter. Needless to say, his little "secret" was no more. :)

I am thankful for the things that Libby learns from her daddy. He is teaching her things that I never could (for instance, how to "fwick" a booger). It reminds me how important a role that her daddy really plays in her life. Sure, he doesn't always match her clothes, he lets her eat candy for breakfast, and he has absolutely no clue how to play "tea party". However, I don't know how to teach her to dribble a soccer ball, or how to act like a "monkey" on the playground, or how to speak in this very strange make believe language that Brad and Libby share. More importantly, Brad is responsible for teaching and showing Libby how a man is supposed to treat his wife. He is teaching her how she is supposed to respect me. He is showing her how a husband is supposed to treat his wife. Brad has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, and he's doing a pretty good job.

Brad is also teaching Libby about how fun life can be. One of my favorite activities is to watch them play. Libby will run squealing through the house, while Brad chases her, he scoops her up and she flies around the living room, laughing and giggling. They play on the computer looking for fun music to dance around the house too. He puts her in his lap and lets her "steer" the wheel, while he spins around in the cul-de-sac. (Much to my horror!) He lets her paint his toenails, and tells her what a beautiful little princess she is.

I think that Brad would agree that his greatest joy is putting her to sleep at night, and as he kisses her goodnight, she always looks up and says, "I love you sooo much Daddy-da!" He's admitted that she can pretty much melt his heart. He loves that little girl. There is something so magical about watching your husband become a father. It makes me love him more, it makes me so happy. He was meant for this job.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Winter Weekend

Had a blast this weekend in Gatlinburg! I really enjoy my small group at Church. It's quite the eclectic group of "young families". A nice mixture of professionals, stay at home moms, newlyweds, executive couples without kids and of course, Me and My honey! Our annual weekend retreat is a nice opportunity to get away from work, home and children, and focus on marriage. Brad and I definitely had some nice, long, much needed discussions. More importantly, we had time to focus on each other. It's sometimes difficult to find time for your partner is the midst of "life". Especially when you are both working, raising a toddler and trying to get pregnant again. You would think that the whole "trying to get pregnant" would actually increase your "time" together. However, when you are battling "infertility" this is quite the opposite. Our "time" is simply reduced to optimizing my "fertile period", and everything is planned and studied and so scientific. A lot of romance is taken out of the equation. Often times, I find myself simply looking at Brad as the "donor" and not my partner. So, it was nice to be able to concentrate on us this weekend.

Libby spent the weekend with her grandparents in Florida. Even though she was sick with a stomach bug, she had sooo much fun! I spent yesterday cuddling in bed with her. She rolled over at one point and said,"Mommy-I love you sooo much. Thank you for bringing me my prizes (souvenirs from Gatlinburg), I am so thankful for them." It made my day.

Speaking of Libby, last week, she was in our room and said, "Pee-Ewe! What smells?" So, she then went into the living room and cried out, "OMG! Lilly pooped on the carpet!" Wow....she already talks like a teenager.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

My pity party...don't expect an EVITE!

So, I am allowing myself these next couple of days to pout, be depressed, mope and just be ill...I got into work yesterday and received some very devastating news....due to circumstances beyond our control, my company is having to downsize and subsequently cut my job. I have never in my life been terminated or "layed off" from a position. I have always gone because of a better job, better pay,, now to be facing the reality of unemployment, it's quite overwhelming! Now, I understand and agree with most of the verbage that is being thrown at me during this time...."It's closing a door, a new one will open"..."pull up your big girl panties and get over it!"..."it's gonna be okay"...blah, blah, blah. I will get over it, something will come along, and I will be okay. But, in the meantime, It SUCKS! It's unfair, it's wrong, it's painful. I would be a bit more understanding if this had occurred because of wrong doing on my behalf, or because of something that I had screwed up, but no. I am simply the victim of unfortunate circumstances beyond my control. This has been a really crappy 6 months for me. First, there was the ectopic pregnancy, shortly after that, my job position required some "creative maneuvering" to keep me employed, which caused me great stress, now I am without a job all together. Can't a girl catch a break???

Brad and I are going away for the weekend with a group of other couples from church. It's gonna be a nice, relaxing, fun weekend. But, then, I return to reality. I have 90 days to procure a position. Actually...89 days now...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow days!

So, we actually just had a couple of snow days here in Middle Georgia. In Middle Georgia, any amount of "precipitation" warrants a "snow day", which means the whole city shuts down! This is great fun for parents of small children, because we are forced to stay inside with our wild little ones who are way off of their normal routines and schedules! Since Brad and I are going away this upcoming weekend for our annual "Young Family retreat", we were more than happy to spend some time with the Princess. We spent the time cuddled on the couch watching movies, playing with her dress up clothes, and even venturing outside to allow her to make "footprints" in the snow. I got a lot of good cuddling time in with my little gorgeous darling. It was amazing!

Also went for an ultrasound yesterday to check on my lovely little pearly "lady parts". Apparently, the Avandia has done them some good. Still not cooperating as far as ovulation goes, but the periphery looks much improved from the previous scans. I am optimistic that we will begin treatments again this Spring. Of course, this means Brad and I are going to seriously have to to save again. After Disneyworld, our accounts are gonna be kinda puny, and fertility treatments don't come cheap. We are hoping to at least be able to write off the money we have spent so far, on our 2010 taxes. I have estimated that between medications and the two IUI's, and the subsequent treatments for the ectopic, have landed us in the ballpark of about $7,000 so far in cash. All that money, and no baby to show for. It's okay though, because I really believe that through all of this I can see a silver lining. It was almost like God was telling me, "Ashlie, you will be pregnant again, the IUI works....just not this time." Sigh....

I am really excited about this upcoming weekend in Gatlinburg. It's gonna be four days with some of our closest couple friends. I anticipate a lot of fun and good memories! Last year, two of the couples wound up pregnant after the trip, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!! :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


LONG weekend!

So, temporary changes at work have allowed me to stay home the past Monday and Tuesday. I have GREATLY enjoyed the time I got to spend with little Miss Pullen! She was a very good girl for me, and I definitely enjoyed all of the cuddling and play time.

On Monday, we went to mom's to help get organized and clean up Libby's playroom. She decided to help Nana organize her ribbons. I walked into the room to see Libby trying to persuade my pack rat mom to throw away scrap ribbon. She was saying very patiently, "Nana, let it's trash now." I thought mom was gonna die of laughter. Later that day, she decided it was her job to sweep the leaves off of the deck. My mom asked if a dollar would be a good payment. She thought a minute and said, "Nana, I am saving for a new baby doll outfit, I need about $8.20." What a little bargainer :)
That night, she burst into the bathroom and loudly exclaimed to me, "Mommy, daddy is embarrassing me!" I laughed and then thought maybe I should just record my response. I know I am going to repeat it over and over again for the next several years. :)
I have greatly enjoyed the past several days off with my little Princess. Time flies by so quickly when I am with her and so slowly when I am working. I am very thankful for my precious time to share with Miss Pullen. She's growing up so quickly, and I am loving every minute of it!