So, here we are in the unfortunate waiting game again. It's tough. At least I have been a bit preoccupied this week with my new job. I am more than happy with where God has planted me. I'm so thankful that after the stressful past several months, it looks like smooth sailing! Who knows? Maybe being removed from a stressful environment will be the greatest fertility booster!
It's creeping up to the anticipated date that I would have delivered baby #2. Even though I am in a much better emotional place then I was 6 months ago, this is still a fresh wound for me. To think that I was so close to holding another baby, and then it was literally taken from me, it's a hard pill to swallow. I don't know what the "healthy" emotional state is for me to be in. I know that I have to "move on" and "live in the moment", but am I going to be in another "funk" as the day of my official "due date" approaches? I don't know enough about the grief process to figure out which stage I am in. Surely you get some sort of a "break" around the important dates. I imagine that as May approaches, the thoughts will increase, and then after the date passes, I will be okay again. At least, that's what I am hoping for! I feel like I am coping fairly well. Considering that during the time of the pregnancy I was going through a personal Hell at work, I think I managed to come through relatively well. At least, I think I did. I don't think I am one of those ladies who can quickly recover from a loss and be okay right away.
Libby helps. I feel the worst when I am lying in bed thinking, or when I allow my self to wander through the "baby section" at Target. I feel the best when I am snuggling with Libby, my miracle, and kissing and hugging her until she screams. I feel the best with Brad, when he is singing or making me laugh. I feel the best when I am with my sisters, laughing and acting like teenagers. I may not be 30 weeks pregnant now, but at least I have them!