Brad left for work early this morning, and like he usually does on early mornings, he brought Libby into our bedroom to snuggle with me. I absolutely love these brief moments that I have snuggling her and rubbing her back while it's still dark outside. She snuggles her little face up to mine, and every so often she will peck my cheek with a sweet little sleepy kiss. It's a great way to start my day! I got out of bed and covered her up, so I could have a few moments to myself in silence to get ready for the day. Most of my "thinking time" happens in the early morning, either while showering or drying my hair. My hair is long and thick, so this gives me ample time to think and reflect on the coming day.
This morning, while drying my hair, I was pondering the whole idea of my infertility struggles. It seems so unfair that I am having to cope with this burden, and watch other women around me have multiple children and complain about all of their "woes" at being mothers. I don't think I have ever complained about being a mother. There is nothing in life that I would rather do! I shudder when I hear how parents talk to their children, and treat them so aggressively. Don't they realize how valuable and precious their little ones are? When I hear mothers in grocery stores yelling at their toddlers or dads grumbling about having to play with their sons, I want to absolutely smack them! Don't they know that these children are gifts from God? Gifts that are supposed to be loved and nurtured? Don't they know that I would give anything in the world to make Libby a big sister? I have friends and loved ones who would give their right arm to have a little "spoiled runny nose preschooler" of their own. Now, I realize that parenting is tough. I have a very strong willed, stubborn diva of a daughter. However, I remember nights before she was born, that I would beg God for the opportunity to become a mommy. One day, she will be grown and gone, and I will miss the days of struggling in the grocery store and begging her to get dressed in the morning. I will also miss the smell of her hair after it's been shampooed, and the softness of her sweet hands when she holds mine.
It occurred to me while my flat iron was heating up... don't I trust God? Hasn't he provided thus far? Didn't he already perform a huge miracle when he delivered Libby three years ago? Just in the past six months, I have had such turmoil in my professional life. My career was turned upside down this fall, and then again two months ago when my company told me they were "down sizing". Didn't He provide? Of course he did, I have already had three excellent job offers in less than three months, and in the worst possible economy for job seekers! If God can provide me with three jobs, surely he can give me another baby. And He will. Thank you God for this peace today.