Monday, May 9, 2011

My due date

It would be wrong of me not to acknowledge this day. Today was then due date of our baby #2. If I ignore this day, then I am ignoring the existence of our second pregnancy. I know many people choose not to even acknowledge an early pregnancy loss... however, I have read enough scriptures to completely believe that even God recognizes souls while they are still being formed in the "most secret place". I am sad today. It would be inconceivable to try to act tough and "brush it off" today. Even though I will never get to meet my precious little one, I take comfort in knowing that he is waiting to meet me one day.

I can't pretend to be okay today. I can't pretend to understand why I wasn't allowed to keep my baby. I can't pretend that its fair, because its not fair. It's not fair that I lost my baby, and meanwhile, there are millions of babies that are aborted to mothers who are undeserving of the precious gift they have been given. I take comfort in my loved ones and the baby I do have, but it doesn't make me mourn my loss any less. That would be wrong and unfair to my second baby. I deserve the opportunity to mourn...its an emotion and well documented in Scriptures. I will never be over the loss. I'm sorry, its just not gonna happen.

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