Round Three!!

Okay, I have finally taken the plunge. I made the very important call this morning to the RE informing them that in the next several days, we will be starting IUI round #3. They are calling in my prescription as we speak. Which means $1,500 and 48 hours later, a nice little refrigerated box will arrive at my door with two very small containers of medications. I have leftover meds in my fridge from round #2....from August. The nurse reminded me that my first prescription was filled last June. Wow....it's been a long time. A really long time when I consider that I threw away my birth control pills on Libby's first birthday. (It seems crazy now, I actually thought I needed birth control pills!)

Libby's best friend at church is going to be a big sister. Libby told her yesterday that she was gonna have a baby too. How do I explain that one? Every night when we go to bed she prays that God will giver her a baby sister. That's kind of a hard pill to swallow. I know how great the relationship is between me and my sisters, and I really long for Libby to have that same fun friendship with a sibling of her own. Even on vacation last week, I realized that she really needs a playmate. She is so grown up now, I am really feeling that baby fever! So, I am beginning this next cycle with a renewed spirit. It's been exactly 6 months since my last cycle. I am optimistic, positive and hopeful. I feel very strongly that God will bless my little family with another child, I just pray that it's sooner rather than later! This "waiting game" is tough. Especially watching friends around me get pregnant again. I can't lie, I'm incredibly envious. I can't imagine how exciting it would be to simply wake up one day, decide to have another child and actually get pregnant on my own! How thrilling it must be!   My heart also aches for dear friends who are also in the waiting period of their own. Infertility is a very painful journey. It affects your entire being. It also puts an incredible strain on your marriage, your finances, your stress, your entire life! I am praying for my sweet friends and hopeful that soon we will be swapping pregnancy stories and labor and delivery nightmares with each other!

DISNEY! and a letter to My Princess on her third birthday...

I wish I could just bottle up my Disney world experience, and  then open it up from time to time to enjoy the feelings that I experienced there. It was absolutely amazing to see Disney through the eyes of my (now three year old) princess. She was so overwhelmed and spent the week wide-eyed and squealing. Every place she turned there was another princess, fancy ride or show for her to experience. It will remain one of the greatest moments in my parenting life. For those few days, I got to push back work, laundry, dishes and stress and simply focus on enjoying Libby. I enjoyed every second that I got to spend with her. I soaked up the time eagerly and cannot wait to begin our "scrapbook" together.  Yes, she was a bit sleepy, and yes, she did get a little cranky at times. Of course, I got a little bit sleepy and cranky myself! It was the most amazing week and I am so eager to start planning our next vacation. These past three years have absolutely flown by. Far too quickly, she has grown from my sweet, dainty little baby into a beautiful little lady. I am so blessed to be her mother. I am so lucky to have the opportunity to watch her grow and change. Thank you, God for allowing me to be her mommy. Wow, what did I do to deserve such an honor?

My precious little princess,

You will never understand how much you are loved, until one day, when you look into the eyes of your little baby. Only then, will you absolutely be able to fall in love with your whole being, with another person. Being a mother is so much different from any other relationship that you will ever have. I love your father more than I love anybody on this earth. However, I will never love someone in the same way that I love you.

From the moment that I saw that positive pink pregnancy test, my life was changed forever. Your dad and I had waited and prayed for you for a very long time. We could hardly believe that we were finally going to be parents! The very first time I met you, I fell in love. I remember your beautiful long, dark eyelashes, and pink, pouty little lips. You didn't make a sound when the doctor picked you up, I was so nervous, but you were wiggling and very serious, taking in all of your surroundings. You were too busy too cry! Not much has changed in three years, you are a very busy, very intelligent little girl. You are the absolute most beautiful creature that God has ever created. I don't know if Daddy and I could have a more beautiful little girl if we tried a thousand more times!

You are so much like me and also so much like your Daddy. I like to think you are the best of the both of us! You are so incredibly smart, you talk like a little grown lady, and you have such amazing reasoning skills. I am pretty sure that you are going to be a surgeon! You are also very stubborn and strong willed, this can be difficult at times, but I know you are going to become a very independent, strong willed woman one day, and that makes me very proud! Like your Daddy, you can be very silly and fun. You like to sing funny songs and dance around the house. You and Daddy even make up silly words like, "stukid" and "wannakie". I am pretty sure only the two of you understand the real meaning of those words. Like your Daddy, you are fun loving and have a wonderful, infectious laugh. You are destined to make everyone you meet fall desperately in love. I am really nervous about the potential of you dating one day!

Whatever path that you may choose, please know that your Daddy and I love you more than anything. I am so proud of you and will always be here for you. I never grow tired of our "cuddle time" and taking naps on the couch curled up with you and your best bud-Lily the dachshund. You are the greatest gift God could ever bless two people with. Thank you for being my little girl!

Love,

Mommy
February 23, 2011

My favorite "Brad-isms"

My sweet husband brought Libby to meet me yesterday for lunch. When we were finished, he kissed me and I got into the car to head back to work. As I was pulling out of the parking space, I noticed him walking around my car checking my tires as I backed up. He looked up, smiled and waved me off. It usually drives me crazy when he obsessively checks my tires, my car, my oil, etc... However, it occurred to me that he was simply checking the safety and efficiency of my car to insure my safe arrival at work. It was kinda sweet. This leads me to think of other "little things" that he does that often goes unnoticed or unappreciated. So, in honor of my sweet little husband, here is the list of his "little things" that I am now appreciating!

1. Obsessively checking my car for possible safety issues
2. Playing with my hair every night while I fall asleep on his chest (Yes, EVERY night for 6 years)
3. Waking up early on Saturday mornings to entertain the Princess while I sleep a little longer
4. If I get to sleep in on a weekday, he wakes Libby up, takes her potty, brings her a juice cup and puts her   in bed with me, so I don't have to get up
5. He always lets me pick the restaurant or movie when we do have a date night
6. When Libby was a baby, he would bolt out of bed in the middle of the night to allow me to rest
7. He sends me little text messages throughout the day to "check on me"
8. He actually cleans the bathroom better than I do!
9. He irons all of his clothes and always asks me if I need  anything ironed for myself or Lib
10. He always asks me every morning what he should wear to work

I guess I could go on and on about the cool little "Brad-isms" that I encounter on a daily basis. I am thankful for him and all of his quirks.

My Pride and Prejudice

     I have been reading a great deal lately. The series that I am must enamored with has been "The Darcy Saga series" by Sharon Lathan. This series depicts the story of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy following their whirlwind romance in "Pride and Prejudice". What the series lacks in complete substance, it more than makes up for in flowery verbage and lovely scenes of 19th century English countryside society. It is essentially a beautiful portrait of an English Manor and the amorous relationship of the Master and his wife. I have quickly devoured the first book and am hungrily thumbing through the next one. I would be willing to bet that everyone who has read this series swooned at the affection shown from Mr. Darcy to his new bride. In the series, the couple is ridiculously wealthy and this affords them a great deal of time to devote to leisurely pleasures such as planning romantic scavenger hunts, seaside getaways, and hours of walking and sitting about.

 Now, I have to wonder to myself, "If I had loads of money and spare time and servants to handle all of my tasks, what would I do to pass the time. More importantly, what would I do during that spare time if I had my husband and someone to properly care for my child and household chores. "

I would like to think that during those hours, I could devote myself to Brad. I would love to be free of the stress of finances, laundry, taxes, work, tantrums, and chores, and be able to concentrate on my marriage. Imagine being able to wake up late, have breakfast served to me, and the rest of the day at my disposal to enjoy all the pleasures life has to offer. When all the "stuff of life" is stripped away, and it's just you and your significant other, is that enough? I don't know, but I would definitely like to have the opportunity to experiment!

Perhaps that is why I am a bit envious of mothers and wives who are able to stay at home. I would very much like the time to accomplish my home tasks during the day, and be able to enjoy my weekends and holidays without the fear of deadlines, job stress, etc. Now, I am well aware that mothers who stay home are very busy! Don't get me wrong....they have very stressful jobs!!! I am simply envious of the opportunity to devote your entire "self" to your husband and children. My weeknights, weekends and holidays are busy trying to accomplish all of the work that has been sitting and waiting on me all week long! I have to accomplish all of my "chores" in a very small amount of time. This leaves me very little "free time" to devote to my husband, Libby and even myself.

Enough rambling, suffice to say, read the books! I highly reccommend them!!

Playing the Waiting Game....

Well, I must admit that I am a very impatient person. It seems like I have spent the majority of my life "waiting" for something important. Waiting for Santa Clause to come....waiting for my birthday...waiting to learn to drive...waiting for my first kiss...waiting to graduate from highschool....then college...waiting to get married....waiting to graduate again...waiting for my first pregnancy...the two week wait...etc. And now, once again, I find myself in "a season of waiting".

When we first went through the last round of fertility treatments this fall, the IUI resulted in an ectopic pregnancy. The fertility speacialist told us to wait at least three months before we could restart treatments again. I needed that time to physically recover, but also to heal from the emotional wound of the pregnancy. It's now been four months and I am ready to proceed with the next round of treatments. I am antsy to get started again and antsy to get pregnant. Libby's third birthday is quickly approaching, and that will officially mark the two year anniversary of "trying for baby number 2". It took us over two and a half years to get pregnant with Libby, and I expected it to be much quicker this time around. I don't know why, I guess I secretly hoped that after my successful pregnancy, my body would "finally get it right and act normally"...no such luck.  So, here we are well past the "recovery period" and ready to pull out the injections and the "turkey baster"...aka the IUI. Unfortunately, this time doesn't quite seem right again, but for very different reasons. My job situation is a bit nerve wracking at this point. I am actually in the "transition" from one office to another, and it makes for a stressful situation, both financially and emotionally! So, I suppose this means that I once again, must wait... Pregnancy is 40 weeks...that's long enough to have to wait to hold your little one....so, any additional waiting time seems so cruel and unfair.

This is my prayer: for a smooth job transition, for financial stability, and for a quick and successful "round" of treatments followed by a healthy 9 months of pregnancy and safe delivery! That's not asking a whole lot, right?

What Daddy has taught her...

Libby was in the backseat while Mom and I were driving to meet her other grandparents in Cordele. We stopped at McDonalds to meet them, and I unbuckled Libby so she could play in the backseat while we parked and waited. I was listening to music and relaxing when I felt her presence behind my shoulder. I turned to find her picking her nose." Libby Pullen! That's so gross, you need a tissue! Don't you wipe that on my seat." She replied, " Oh Mommy, don't worry. Daddy taught me how to roll it up....(as she made the hand gesture to explain) and then you just "Fwick It!" (as she flicked the imaginary booger)."

It also reminds me of a time about a year ago, when Libby had just turned two, and the new Chickfila was built in Bonaire. I had pulled through the drive through one afternoon to pick up my favorite Diet Lemonade. When I pulled to the speaker, Libby began rattling off behind me, " Um, yes, a Coke, no ice, biscuit and that's it..." I turned around and asked her what she had said. She calmly repeated it too me in her little two year old voice. It then dawned on me....Brad must have brought her through the drive through at some point. So, I called him and asked why Libby was ordering HIS favorite things from Chickfila. Sheepishly, he admitted to me that he had been sneaking to Chickfila in the mornings while driving her to the babysitter. Needless to say, his little "secret" was no more. :)

I am thankful for the things that Libby learns from her daddy. He is teaching her things that I never could (for instance, how to "fwick" a booger). It reminds me how important a role that her daddy really plays in her life. Sure, he doesn't always match her clothes, he lets her eat candy for breakfast, and he has absolutely no clue how to play "tea party". However, I don't know how to teach her to dribble a soccer ball, or how to act like a "monkey" on the playground, or how to speak in this very strange make believe language that Brad and Libby share. More importantly, Brad is responsible for teaching and showing Libby how a man is supposed to treat his wife. He is teaching her how she is supposed to respect me. He is showing her how a husband is supposed to treat his wife. Brad has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, and he's doing a pretty good job.

Brad is also teaching Libby about how fun life can be. One of my favorite activities is to watch them play. Libby will run squealing through the house, while Brad chases her, he scoops her up and she flies around the living room, laughing and giggling. They play on the computer looking for fun music to dance around the house too. He puts her in his lap and lets her "steer" the wheel, while he spins around in the cul-de-sac. (Much to my horror!) He lets her paint his toenails, and tells her what a beautiful little princess she is.

I think that Brad would agree that his greatest joy is putting her to sleep at night, and as he kisses her goodnight, she always looks up and says, "I love you sooo much Daddy-da!" He's admitted that she can pretty much melt his heart. He loves that little girl. There is something so magical about watching your husband become a father. It makes me love him more, it makes me so happy. He was meant for this job.

Winter Weekend

Had a blast this weekend in Gatlinburg! I really enjoy my small group at Church. It's quite the eclectic group of "young families". A nice mixture of professionals, stay at home moms, newlyweds, executive couples without kids and of course, Me and My honey! Our annual weekend retreat is a nice opportunity to get away from work, home and children, and focus on marriage. Brad and I definitely had some nice, long, much needed discussions. More importantly, we had time to focus on each other. It's sometimes difficult to find time for your partner is the midst of "life". Especially when you are both working, raising a toddler and trying to get pregnant again. You would think that the whole "trying to get pregnant" would actually increase your "time" together. However, when you are battling "infertility" this is quite the opposite. Our "time" is simply reduced to optimizing my "fertile period", and everything is planned and studied and so scientific. A lot of romance is taken out of the equation. Often times, I find myself simply looking at Brad as the "donor" and not my partner. So, it was nice to be able to concentrate on us this weekend.

Libby spent the weekend with her grandparents in Florida. Even though she was sick with a stomach bug, she had sooo much fun! I spent yesterday cuddling in bed with her. She rolled over at one point and said,"Mommy-I love you sooo much. Thank you for bringing me my prizes (souvenirs from Gatlinburg), I am so thankful for them." It made my day.

Speaking of Libby, last week, she was in our room and said, "Pee-Ewe! What smells?" So, she then went into the living room and cried out, "OMG! Lilly pooped on the carpet!" Wow....she already talks like a teenager.